Where Is Your Security?

Where do you put your security?
REALLY, where?

Don't wait until God takes it away for you to realize...
that you loved the gift more than the Giver Himself

Will you be able to say as Job does?

"The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised."
- Job 1:21

God is good!

Matthew 11:28-30

That is all =)



*and nvm, that is not all..
Noy my ways, but His ways

Whatever my lot Thou has taught me to say
it is well with my soul

I don't have to understand to believe

some things making sense.. some not so much..
but it's all good..

Reciprocity

I don't know if this is just a very Korean thing, but I have this strong tendency towards reciprocity. I am not at ease until I pay back equally if someone bought me something. So I'm not very good with receiving things from people.. I guess I'm referring mostly to monetary things, but it also has to do with relational things such as phone calls, ims, encouraging words, acts of kindness, etc. I mean I grew up seeing that and being taught that: even if my mom's friend gave me money for my birthday, that just meant that my mom owes her friend that much so eventually has to pay back. As a child, it didn't matter for me; I wasn't the one having to pay back the debt, but as I grow up I'm noticing more and more I've adapted to this mentality and without knowing, I start calculating. I owe this person this because they bought me something before, OR this person should do this for me because I did this for them.

So there comes the problem: I expect things from people and when I don't get it, I'm disappointed, discouraged, and at times embittered. I know, this is pretty immature. And I know in sophomore year of college God taught me not to expect from people because they will disappoint you and fail you but expect great things from God because He will meet and surpass my expectations. So since then, I think it's been better.

But as if that's not hard enough, God says to show GRACE. Not only don't expect from them but GIVE MORE. Give what they didn't earn, what they don't deserve. This seems impossible, but God says it is possible. He has shown me grace already.

The God of all grace.
Grace shown and given.
Already ALL done.

All I have to do is receive.
I just definitely need to learn to receive.
It's all paid for and there is nothing I can do to pay back.
Thank You.

Just Do It.

I hate it when I begin something with so much passion, but as time progresses I lose such ferver and start stressing...

This has been the case with directing Christmas play for our children's ministry this year. DEFINITELY, this was not something I've planned or wanted to do after seeing it done year after year causing so much stress on the director.

And the time came again (the Christmas play talk started in September -___-) and there was absolutely no one who was willing. I was with everyone just pushing it away to other people until... God convicted me. HAH. I have to say it was HIM, because I had absolutely NO INTENTION EVER of doing it. Then He gave me the idea for the play and got me super excited. Well, it's based on the song WHY by Nichole Nordeman which I had been obsessed with because of its message.

One day the idea came to me... doing a Christmas play based on the story of the song! AHHH... I still remember writing these ideas down in my journal, super excited to tell someone so walked over to my sister's room only to be unwelcomed and kicked out... Anyway, this is VERY FUNNY looking back now. I started praying about it and my pastor came up to me and asked me if I would be willing. For the past few weeks I've been avoiding it and when it came time for the official meeting with the elementary staff. I said I would do it. AHHHHHHHH what was I thinking? HAHA

Then it began. I was so excited and all I wanted were few committed staff members (which God has graciously provided for me). Gosh, writing this makes me all emtional cuz God has been so good and faithful while I have not been. Anyway, practices began. But just because God convicts you, it does NOT mean He will make everything smooth and easy for you. Despite my excitement and love for the children..... It was HARD. Our children HATE Christmas play practices. It's so sad when we make announcements for Christmas play and all we hear are "BOO"s and despairing "Nooo~~~~~"s.

I was so sure I was going to change children's mentality about Christmas play. They will LOVE it. They will all want to come out to practices. We even play GAMES to make it a little more fun for them. And has it changed? Nope. The Boos and Nos only have only gotten louder. The children are becoming more and more rebellious and out of control. Only three more practices left. So I've been worrying and stressing about it every week..

AND THIS WHOLE TIME.. I've been looking for ONE SOLUTION. THE SOLUTION.. or something I can do to fix it, something I can do to make it easier, something I can DO...

Only to realize, there isn't much I can do.
I can't change these children's mentality.
I can't make it GOOD out of nowhere.
I can't make it pass... I must do it.

There is one thing, though, God has been speaking to me that I've been neglecting. PRAYING. HAHA. Can I be any more stupid? God has been persistently telling me to pray.. through the Word, people, Bible studies, books, etc. I've been learning ABOUT prayer, but little did it hit me that I need to put that into ACTION. JUST DO IT. Don't think about doing it. JUST PRAY!

Now the challenge IS TO PRAY (even though it really shouldn't be a challenge). If you read this, you need to keep me accountable =) Thanks and if you let me know your prayer request, I'll be more than happy to pray for you.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
- Philippians 4:6-7

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
- Matthew 11:28-30

"Stress shows lack of prayer"
- Francis Chan

"Prayer starts with listening and ends with listening."
"Prayer is an answer in itself (기도는 그 자체가 응답이다)"
- KM head pastor

"Empty yourself and pray that His will be done."
- My internship director



Thank God for this opportunity to think these things over. Burdens lifted. More passion and excitement. Grateful for being the beloved child He suffered and died for..

EMPTY ME

I need to be emptied.

Emptied to be filled.

To be simply and purely devoted to Jesus.


It's so interesting to receive so much peace and comfort
to again realize that it's not about me but all about Him =)

GODISNOWHERE

what do you see?



God is nowhere

or

God is now here

An End in Itself

Letting everything that I do be an end in itself, "to the praise of His glory" just as Paul repeats in Ephesians 1.


I've been thinking about this for awhile, still not concrete enough to be able to express in my own words. Well, I guess it never will be really concrete enough in this sinner's life.


"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."
- 1 Corinthians 10:31


It's like "a DUH," but for some reason, it's been hard to register in my head and know it in my heart. Or sometimes I overthink and make things a lot more complicated than they are.