Reciprocity

I don't know if this is just a very Korean thing, but I have this strong tendency towards reciprocity. I am not at ease until I pay back equally if someone bought me something. So I'm not very good with receiving things from people.. I guess I'm referring mostly to monetary things, but it also has to do with relational things such as phone calls, ims, encouraging words, acts of kindness, etc. I mean I grew up seeing that and being taught that: even if my mom's friend gave me money for my birthday, that just meant that my mom owes her friend that much so eventually has to pay back. As a child, it didn't matter for me; I wasn't the one having to pay back the debt, but as I grow up I'm noticing more and more I've adapted to this mentality and without knowing, I start calculating. I owe this person this because they bought me something before, OR this person should do this for me because I did this for them.

So there comes the problem: I expect things from people and when I don't get it, I'm disappointed, discouraged, and at times embittered. I know, this is pretty immature. And I know in sophomore year of college God taught me not to expect from people because they will disappoint you and fail you but expect great things from God because He will meet and surpass my expectations. So since then, I think it's been better.

But as if that's not hard enough, God says to show GRACE. Not only don't expect from them but GIVE MORE. Give what they didn't earn, what they don't deserve. This seems impossible, but God says it is possible. He has shown me grace already.

The God of all grace.
Grace shown and given.
Already ALL done.

All I have to do is receive.
I just definitely need to learn to receive.
It's all paid for and there is nothing I can do to pay back.
Thank You.