My heart fails...

I've been writing in my other (private) blog a lot ever since I lost my journal and my small esv bible that has been with me since i graduated high school =( I'm sure people wouldn't want to read the things that I write in my other blog. I have been very moody lately that my journal entries themselves have been all over the place.


"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.

He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?"

- Jeremiah 17:7-9


I have been trusting my fickle heart. I need to trust my unfailing, faithful God. I need this continual reminder: It's not about how I feel, not about what I do and don't do. It's all about Him!




P.S. As I was wrapping up this entry, my cousin walks in my room with my Bible (yay!) but not my journal. She found it at church which means... my journal is somewhere there and people might have seen/read it. Now this is embarassing.......... ha ha ha...........

No title means no coherency in this entry. Haha..

I'm just in a good mood and felt like writing an entry... about nothing and everything. I was supposed to meet up with a friend but she's sick =T So.. I was thinking about what to do and decided that I wanted to see the beach when it's raining. I have never seen the beach when it's raining so I got curious. So here I am at a cute little cafe right in front of seal beach where if i just look up I can see the shore.. Except, it's not really raining anymore.. Only sprinking a little here and there. But I'm still satisfied to have found a place like this. It's actually better that I'm here in this weather cuz I get to park for free right in front of the cafe!

I've been keeping myself busy with this and that and it's been quite good. But I always need a continual, constant reminder of the purpose behind everything that I do. Once I lose focus, I stop enjoying the things I do... God is so good because He always reminds me when I forget. When I start becoming tired, He reminds me why I started doing what I'm doing from the first place.

God has been teaching me about mercy. "Mercy triumphs over judgment." I didn't quite understand what that means, but slowly God has been showing me what it means. He's been gracious in helping me to realize that I am NOT a merciful person. I am quick to judge, point fingers at people rather than showing them mercy and love. I have been justifying my judgment as an act of love, helping them realize that they're in the wrong and they need to fix some things in their lives... only to find out that they all know and I'm just poking at their painful wounds hurting them even more..

What if God is not merciful?
HAHA.. Okay, it definitely is not a laughing matter, but that is just unthinkable... to even think that He wouldn't show mercy.. then there would be no me. I'll justly get what I deserve. "For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy." Can you imagine judgment without mercy? I'd rather not. If I don't even want to think about not receiving mercy, then why do I not give it? Yes, it is very unnatural, but I must.

"He has showed, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." - Micah 6:8

Need a continual, constant reminder because I'm TOO forgetful. God, have mercy..

How Did I Get Here?!

So I was just sitting today during Bible study and all of sudden realized where I was and what I was doing: I was at church studying the Bible. This may not be shocking to you and it hasn't shocked me for the longest time, but today it definitely startled me a bit. There were days when I used to look down on all the "religious" people. In my young and foolish mind, I concluded there is no god and all those who fall for the tricks of the religion are dumb, wasting their time and their lives...

And there I was, doing the very things that seemed to me back then to be the most pointless and worthless thing to do. How did this all happen? How I ended up being here? And not only just being there and studying the Bible, but actually believing this book? Believing as the pastor was teaching us that the most important thing about prayer is not about asking for the things I need but the time spent in prayer itself? Convicted that I should pray without ceasing? Whoa whoa whoa..

I have come a far way. Well, to be more exact, God has led me all the way here. What may be, to some, a mere series of coincidences was how God brought me to Him. From growing up with negative notion of all religions as I've witnessed the conflicts between my grandparents from both sides--one was christian and the other buddhist to the very place I am here now, He knew it all and was sovereign over it all...

So my family decided to come to America when I was in 6th grade, so within matter of months we immigrated to America. Of course, then none of my family believed; I was a bit proud then that I was an atheist, whatever that meant for the 6th grader.

After living in Sacramento as mute and deaf due to the language barrier, moving to Cerritos opened new doors for my family. We can actually DO THINGS in KOREAN!! Haha yes, it was exciting. Dial-up internet was just starting to boom (wow, I feel old), so we decided to order internet from a Korean company just because in cerritos you have the luxury of choosing from American or Korean internet companies. Previously my mom saw on the Korean newspaper about an internet company and she said she actually knew the owner of the company, who was supposedly her elementary friend. But he's the owner of the company, we did not expect to see him even if we ordered the internet from there... And guess who comes in to install the internet dial-up then, at my house?!

My mom's elementary friend/next door neighbor!!! HAHA.
That was pretty hilarious/crazy/strange I must say. They had a little reunion and he invited us to come to his church, which is the church I am still attending. Yea, that's how my family started going out to church. Of course, it was solely for social networking purposes. I mean... that's the place to go to for social networking in Korean American society, right?

But for me, that wasn't the case. I absolutely HATED going to church. Whenever my mom would decide to "rest" on sunday by not going to church (ironic, isn't it?), I was exhilarated! My sister and I would always ask if we can stay home just this sunday...

Somehow He moved in me after over 3 years of attending church, just sitting there and leaving as soon as my mom was done talking to the ahjummas. Now I spend a good chunk of my time not only at church but just spending time with his invisible God who at one point in my life did not exist to me. Weird, isn't it? But it definitely is the best thing that happened to me in my life and I don't know where I would be without Him now... He is my life.

Colossians 3:4
"...Christ, who is your life..."

That's My King!

"My King was born King. The Bible says He's a Seven Way King. He's the King of the Jews - that's an Ethnic King. He's the King of Israel - that's a National King. He's the King of righteousness. He's the King of the ages. He's the King of Heaven. He's the King of glory. He's the King of kings and He is the Lord of lords. Now that's my King.

Well, I wonder if you know Him. Do you know Him? Don't try to mislead me. Do you know my King? David said the Heavens declare the glory of God, and the firmament shows His handiwork. My King is the only one of whom there are no means of measure that can define His limitless love. No far seeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of the shore of His supplies. No barriers can hinder Him from pouring out His blessing.

He's enduringly strong. He's entirely sincere. He's eternally steadfast. He's immortally graceful. He's imperially powerful. He's impartially merciful. That's my King. He's God's Son. He's the sinner's saviour. He's the centerpiece of civilization. He stands alone in Himself. He's honest. He's unique. He's unparalleled. He's unprecedented. He's supreme. He's pre-eminent. He's the grandest idea in literature. He's the highest personality in philosophy. He's the supreme problem in higher criticism. He's the fundamental doctrine of historic theology. He's the carnal necessity of spiritual religion. That's my King.

He's the miracle of the age. He's the superlative of everything good that you choose to call Him. He's the only one able to supply all our needs simultaneously. He supplies strength for the weak. He's available for the tempted and the tried. He sympathizes and He saves. He's the Almighty God who guides and keeps all his people. He heals the sick. He cleanses the lepers. He forgives sinners. He discharged debtors. He delivers the captives. He defends the feeble. He blesses the young. He serves the unfortunate. He regards the aged. He rewards the diligent and He beautifies the meek. That's my King.

Do you know Him? Well, my King is a King of knowledge. He's the wellspring of wisdom. He's the doorway of deliverance. He's the pathway of peace. He's the roadway of righteousness. He's the highway of holiness. He's the gateway of glory. He's the master of the mighty. He's the captain of the conquerors. He's the head of the heroes. He's the leader of the legislatures. He's the overseer of the overcomers. He's the governor of governors. He's the prince of princes. He's the King of kings and He's the Lord of lords. That's my King.

His office is manifold. His promise is sure. His light is matchless. His goodness is limitless. His mercy is everlasting. His love never changes. His Word is enough. His grace is sufficient. His reign is righteous. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. I wish I could describe Him to you . . . but He's indescribable. That's my King. He's incomprehensible, He's invincible, and He is irresistible.

I'm coming to tell you this, that the heavens of heavens can't contain Him, let alone some man explain Him. You can't get Him out of your mind. You can't get Him off of your hands. You can't outlive Him and you can't live without Him. The Pharisees couldn't stand Him, but they found out they couldn't stop Him. Pilate couldn't find any fault in Him. The witnesses couldn't get their testimonies to agree about Him. Herod couldn't kill Him. Death couldn't handle Him and the grave couldn't hold Him. That's my King.

He always has been and He always will be. I'm talking about the fact that He had no predecessor and He'll have no successor. There's nobody before Him and there'll be nobody after Him. You can't impeach Him and He's not going to resign. That's my King! That's my King!

Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory. Well, all the power belongs to my King. We're around here talking about black power and white power and green power, but in the end all that matters is God's power. Thine is the power. Yeah. And the glory. We try to get prestige and honor and glory for ourselves, but the glory is all His. Yes. Thine is the Kingdom and the power and glory, forever and ever and ever and ever. How long is that? Forever and ever and ever and ever. . . And when you get through with all of the ever's, then . . .Amen!"

- S.M. Lockridge

I was listening to a sermon and the pastor recited this and yeahh.. It's seriously Wow-y. The best part is when he says "I wish I could describe Him to you . . . but He's indescribable," after all the things he's said about his King. Yep. And THAT would be my KING!! WEEEE~~