Mmmm I Don't Know How to Title Blogs Anymore So This Is the Title =P

So it has been a loooooong time since I last blogged, but there were few entries here and there either incomplete or in my private blog. Finally I'm getting myself to write something (thanks to steve for the encouragement!) and it's interesting cuz it just hit me thinking through things from yesterday's sermon at the kcm commissioning service to a talk with a dear friend of mine.

Yesterday Pastor Richard talked about several things, I think.. How things done without love means nothing but a noisy gong (1 Corin 13:1), which I need to process more even though that's something I have been learning and re-learning over and over again, but what really stuck with me is the concept of joy and mission. How joyful those mission trainees are, because they have a MISSION.. and Jesus Christ, "who for the joy set before him endured the cross (Hebrews 12:2)" And there's me the one lacking joy, as I've lost the mission in my life or more like I've ignored the mission in my life. Yes, THE MISSION.

And it hit me there that I've been lacking joy and lacking the mission. Past 10 days were my vacation days because my dad was here from Korea. So for those of you that don't know, my dad lives and works in Korea, so he comes to visit every year for about a week. Yes, a very short time =( It has been this way for almost 10 years... Well, more important than our separation is the fact that He is not a believer in Christ. There was one year when I was given the opportunity to share with him but he just said "yeah, yeah I believe," but later on arguing with me that the Bible is nonsense, objectively unscientific and illogical..

I remember that year I prayed a lot and God really did answer my prayer for that one opportunity to talk with him and share with him, but this time around, I wasn't ready at all. Thinking back on it, that was very stupid, immature of me to declare that and not try because it's not whether I'm ready or not, but it's the work that He does. But I did find out more things about him that made me sad. In the world's perspective, he is a pretty successful man, achieving the "Korean dream," not American because he left America with little money and now has a company of his own. He's very good at the things he does; my family calls him "능력자" which means the "Able Man"(?) Anyhow, so he is super busy, he makes enough money to spoil us when he's here, he can fix everything (aka MacGyver), and even always comes up from vegas trips.. Honestly I didn't know that when he left America, he left with such little money and has been sending us tuition and living expenses. So when I first heard that, I was a bit proud to have him as my dad, a successful provider of the family.

But later on it got me sad thinking about it. His busy-ness, having enough lacking in nothing much leaves him at a very dangerous place with God. He sees no need for God; my dad isn't a bad guy, rather he's more likely to think of himself as the good provider of the family, sacrificing his time and effort to support his family abroad. So ever since the time I realized that he's not saved, it really breaks my heart to see him leave at the airport. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? This might be the last time...

God has a plan and perfect timing though, right? Well, after I heard the sermon it hit me but it didn't linger inside me enough for me to really process it. And God is so good and faithful. Today I met up with one of my closest friends and we had tea and some good talking session. Sharing about how it has been in the past week or so and so on. This friend has been struggling for the longest time with faith. But of course, I didn't bring up the "God stuff" because I was "not ready" to.. She was sharing about some difficulties she's facing and it was brought into mind about THE MISSION unlike the time I'd been spending with my dad. So here was my MISSION. And somehow by the leading of the Spirit, I was able to share with her about God and pray with her. It may be a small thing that I've done, but definitely brought me joy to know that God was speaking through me and He was using me despite my "not ready-ness." She thanked me for that and I know (and she knows) that I'm normally not a very sympathetic, warm, compassionate person, but God enables me to say and act in ways that touched her and showed her Love. Not only that it led me to realize my need and my stupidity for not depending on Him lately AND it's leading me to blog and encouraging me to seek Him first before all things (Matthew 6:33).

Now that I started writing I have so much more to share but I've already written too much for one entry so I'll save others for later. But, thank God for leading me back to Him, once again.

Now it's time to seek Him.
Pray without ceasing.