I actually wrote this over a year ago. It was actually one of my first blog entries that I never published for some reason. But I actually had to translate it into Korean to publish it on my internship's magazine (and had to take out the "God" part =T) so I thought I would post this up on my blog too. Looking back on it is bringing me back the passion that God put inside of me to become an occupational therapist!


This summer I started volunteering at this hospital called Rancho Los Amigos Rehabilitation Center. And NO, it's not a rehab center for alcoholics (just like how I have to explain how occupational therapists don't help you with your JOBS haha) but rehabilitation here is referring to recovery. It's supposedly one of the top 10 rehab hospitals in the nation, and really God has given me the privilege to have this opportunity to volunteer there, providing for me in every way.. from finding out about the place, going through the long and worrisome process of orientation, being placed in the stroke rehabilitation dept to work with seriously awesome staff!

So on our floor, there are inpatients with strokes as well as outpatients who continue after their discharge to receive therapies and other medical care. These patients, especially ones that are hospitalized, have had strokes that usually affect one side of their brains, causing malfunctioning the other side of their bodies. It also comes with aphasia, a condition in which one cannot produce words some even despite having the ability to understand them. Working there, I got to talk to many therapists and the patients about strokes. One of the patients, who had recently been recovering from his stroke, described the experience as being "stuck in a body" that you have no control over. You're a prisoner of your own body. I don't think ANYONE will ever know how that feels like unless you experience it first-hand yourself. So with the stroke comes frustration from inability to express oneself, anger, hopelessness from having no control, depression, etc.

One day last week, I was walking with my supervisor to post some posters and we saw one of our patients, surrounded by about 6 therapists, doctors, nurses, and staff. He was expressing pain on one of his arm, through the only word he knows how to say: "hi." I had always seen him on his wheelchair, smiling and showing his thumb up and saying "hi" to everyone who passes by, but this time, the "hi" was different. Repeating utterances of "Hi, hi, hi, hi..."and trying to lift up his arm did not do its job to communicate to those around him what had happened, where and how it exactly hurt. My supervisor kept on prompting him with questions to find out what had happened, but couldn't find out about anything. After about 10 minutes, the patient broke into tears, crying out loud... This.. broke my heart because I could clearly see that more than the physical pain itself, it was the frustration that caused him so much more pain. They couldn't find why even by the time I was leaving...

Today, I was inside a room typing up some stuff and I heard that patient's voice, but amazingly, it wasn't a "hi" but he was saying his own name!! He said his name and others were saying marco polo because it rhymed with his name, so he soon picked up how to say those words too. Later he was going around saying different therapists' names even though he couldn't quite get everyone's name. Deng, I couldn't stop smiling hearing his voice because that was the first time I've ever heart him speak words other than hi, and with such enthusiasm. How precious it was just to be able to hear him say such a SIMPLE thing as people's names...

The stroke patients I met so far... They had once been a writer, a diamond setter, an independence film financer, a doctor. All considered "successful" in this world's point of view, until a stroke hit them out of nowhere and now they have such a hard time doing the very trivial, ordinary things that we take for granted. How fleeting this success is!! And I come to the conclusion that the only answer to all this is Jesus and Him alone.

I can't wait for that day when there will be no more frustrations, no more anger, no more diseases, no more pain, no more death.. and no more sin.


Maybe I'll add my Korean translated version later. The ending is... very different. Haha